Music of choice at this very moment: Three Days Grace
Not really sure if this says something about my mood or not. I feel like my head is ready to explode from the thoughts that fill it. I want to write, but can't seem to find where the passion lies at this very moment. Though if the music you are listening to is meant to show your passion or emotions then perhaps anger and volatile emotions would sum it up.
It is so hard to find yourself beneath the clutter of the past, the buildup of the present and the hopes for the future that seems to be beneath the fear of what you are and who you are. Forgive me if I make little sense, but I am lost. Does prayer really help? I believe that it does. Even if you do not believe in God, taking time to pray may be the release for you to let those worries go. Get the thoughts and feelings out that you feel no one else may understand. Someone up above or all around is listening even if it might only be yourself that is truly listening. You may find peace.
So it seems that this was meant to be a random post since my thoughts run chaotic tonight. I sit here thinking of the times that I have had what I call moments of clarity. So often I have ignored these things, so often I find that I should have listened to that gut wrenching feeling of surety that came over me. I wish that I could learn to focus these moments. Make sense of why some thoughts seem random but seem to have a strong tug at my heart/gut. Learn to listen to this part of myself. Most days I feel crazy for what I am feeling because I can't believe it possible to feel so strongly about some things. I try to chalk some things up to wishful thinking, but then you have moments that you are just drawn to a sense of an aura. Hell, I can't really describe it because I have let this part of me sit to the side. I really need some discipline and focus in my life.
Sorry if this disappoints, I write this for myself to try to find my focus, but seem that I am still tunneling my way through the darkness.
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