Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Quiet lately...
I know that I have not written much lately. I really have been lazy creatively and personally. Just when I think that I know what I want to do, I change my mind. Maybe it is the insomnia, maybe it is the stress. I wish that I could get back on track. My heart seems to still be tied to someone that came into my life when I was at uni. He is very sick. It tears at my heart that I am not near him. I never expected he would be in this condition. But his strength gives me strength. Craig is such a fighter. *sighs* Forgive me if this is cut short. Well, damn it, it seems that I was too tired to finish this last night. I guess my lack of sleeping well got the best of me.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Emotions going overboard
I sit here trying to work on creating a new blog outside of my personal rantings and ramblings, but am drawing a blank at this moment. I am needing to find focus and all I keep finding is chaos. I am ready to just throw all my emotions overboard. Just turn on some music, close my eyes and just type the story that comes out of all that I have felt and feel through 35 years of life. Well, okay, perhaps not quite that long since childhood was a much easier life. I am trying to regain the creative in me, but the inspiration is not there. Don't get me wrong. I was never a great writer. I have only ever created one story that I deem as completed. I have always been a harsh editor of my work which is why I never completed things. If anyone out there has any advice, I'm listening.
I may write something more later, but for now I am wishing those that might actually catch a glimpse of this a good afternoon. Hope your Sunday is pleasant.
I may write something more later, but for now I am wishing those that might actually catch a glimpse of this a good afternoon. Hope your Sunday is pleasant.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What's on my mind tonight?
Music of choice at this very moment: Three Days Grace
Not really sure if this says something about my mood or not. I feel like my head is ready to explode from the thoughts that fill it. I want to write, but can't seem to find where the passion lies at this very moment. Though if the music you are listening to is meant to show your passion or emotions then perhaps anger and volatile emotions would sum it up.
It is so hard to find yourself beneath the clutter of the past, the buildup of the present and the hopes for the future that seems to be beneath the fear of what you are and who you are. Forgive me if I make little sense, but I am lost. Does prayer really help? I believe that it does. Even if you do not believe in God, taking time to pray may be the release for you to let those worries go. Get the thoughts and feelings out that you feel no one else may understand. Someone up above or all around is listening even if it might only be yourself that is truly listening. You may find peace.
So it seems that this was meant to be a random post since my thoughts run chaotic tonight. I sit here thinking of the times that I have had what I call moments of clarity. So often I have ignored these things, so often I find that I should have listened to that gut wrenching feeling of surety that came over me. I wish that I could learn to focus these moments. Make sense of why some thoughts seem random but seem to have a strong tug at my heart/gut. Learn to listen to this part of myself. Most days I feel crazy for what I am feeling because I can't believe it possible to feel so strongly about some things. I try to chalk some things up to wishful thinking, but then you have moments that you are just drawn to a sense of an aura. Hell, I can't really describe it because I have let this part of me sit to the side. I really need some discipline and focus in my life.
Sorry if this disappoints, I write this for myself to try to find my focus, but seem that I am still tunneling my way through the darkness.
Not really sure if this says something about my mood or not. I feel like my head is ready to explode from the thoughts that fill it. I want to write, but can't seem to find where the passion lies at this very moment. Though if the music you are listening to is meant to show your passion or emotions then perhaps anger and volatile emotions would sum it up.
It is so hard to find yourself beneath the clutter of the past, the buildup of the present and the hopes for the future that seems to be beneath the fear of what you are and who you are. Forgive me if I make little sense, but I am lost. Does prayer really help? I believe that it does. Even if you do not believe in God, taking time to pray may be the release for you to let those worries go. Get the thoughts and feelings out that you feel no one else may understand. Someone up above or all around is listening even if it might only be yourself that is truly listening. You may find peace.
So it seems that this was meant to be a random post since my thoughts run chaotic tonight. I sit here thinking of the times that I have had what I call moments of clarity. So often I have ignored these things, so often I find that I should have listened to that gut wrenching feeling of surety that came over me. I wish that I could learn to focus these moments. Make sense of why some thoughts seem random but seem to have a strong tug at my heart/gut. Learn to listen to this part of myself. Most days I feel crazy for what I am feeling because I can't believe it possible to feel so strongly about some things. I try to chalk some things up to wishful thinking, but then you have moments that you are just drawn to a sense of an aura. Hell, I can't really describe it because I have let this part of me sit to the side. I really need some discipline and focus in my life.
Sorry if this disappoints, I write this for myself to try to find my focus, but seem that I am still tunneling my way through the darkness.
Monday, September 6, 2010
The start of....
Honestly, I do not know where to start so I am just writing and we will see where it takes us. Darq Ebonmoon is a name that I took as an on line persona/nickname back when I was in uni. Darq represented my love of the night, all things celestial as well as a love for horror and vampires. Ebonmoon was given to me by a man who took my heart and showed me that there are times we connect to others stronger than we do even those we call family. That it can come from a higher level. I won't go into that here now, but who knows maybe down the road.
When we met, I had been spending time around the vampire chat rooms since in IrC on occasion you could find more interesting conversation there than you could in most of the other rooms available. Don't put down the Gothic lifestylers, you would be surprised at the intelligence hidden within these dark shells. Besides chat in general, of course, it was about the vampire rp as well. Do not laugh when I put this in our cyber personas, it is just the easiest way to describe the meeting.
I was up late one night, hanging out in one of my usual rooms when no one was really around. Tallon Ebonmoon came into the room and we began talking. Talked for hours. We shared our interests in the vampire genre and talked of our lives in general. He is older than me by 4 years and come to find out a "damn Aussie". No offense to all of you in Australia. *chuckles* We talked until the sun had risen in Oxford, MS. We both were getting tired of sitting at the computer and we ended up on the phone for another hour. To shorten this story for now, he stole my heart. He was my online Sire amongst those we spent time around in the chat room. With this, I took on his surname Ebonmoon when he offered it to me.
Perhaps one day, I will write more of our story when I am ready. I mostly spoke of this just as a beginning. I was just 20 then, now here I am 15 years later. I still use Darq Ebonmoon because it/she is a part of me because even things we think are silly still in the end is a part of who we are. I am seeking to put my thoughts down to find myself as much as it is just to perhaps even find guidance from others through this if any of those reading choose to comment.
To all of you who are elders of the blogging age, please forgive me if my postings are not pretty and well done. I am breaking out of my shell and opening up to learning to join you in the blogging circle. Until, I post again, be well and blessed be.
When we met, I had been spending time around the vampire chat rooms since in IrC on occasion you could find more interesting conversation there than you could in most of the other rooms available. Don't put down the Gothic lifestylers, you would be surprised at the intelligence hidden within these dark shells. Besides chat in general, of course, it was about the vampire rp as well. Do not laugh when I put this in our cyber personas, it is just the easiest way to describe the meeting.
I was up late one night, hanging out in one of my usual rooms when no one was really around. Tallon Ebonmoon came into the room and we began talking. Talked for hours. We shared our interests in the vampire genre and talked of our lives in general. He is older than me by 4 years and come to find out a "damn Aussie". No offense to all of you in Australia. *chuckles* We talked until the sun had risen in Oxford, MS. We both were getting tired of sitting at the computer and we ended up on the phone for another hour. To shorten this story for now, he stole my heart. He was my online Sire amongst those we spent time around in the chat room. With this, I took on his surname Ebonmoon when he offered it to me.
Perhaps one day, I will write more of our story when I am ready. I mostly spoke of this just as a beginning. I was just 20 then, now here I am 15 years later. I still use Darq Ebonmoon because it/she is a part of me because even things we think are silly still in the end is a part of who we are. I am seeking to put my thoughts down to find myself as much as it is just to perhaps even find guidance from others through this if any of those reading choose to comment.
To all of you who are elders of the blogging age, please forgive me if my postings are not pretty and well done. I am breaking out of my shell and opening up to learning to join you in the blogging circle. Until, I post again, be well and blessed be.
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